Chemotherapy #5

I seem to have lost my vigor for writing these posts. It's been 8 days since Kim's chemotherapy session #5 and where I once sat down right away I now just find anything else to do other than this. Where those first posts felt like victory reports I feel like they're now just recounting complaints. I'm much less motivated to write these reports as there seems like so little to celebrate. Yes, we have confirmation that the tumors are getting smaller and softer. Numerous visits over the past two weeks show that progress and that is wonderful news, yes.

But in the here and now, day to day, Kim is really worn down and showing the effects of this treatment. She rarely complains but I can see just how hard life is for her right now. There's the side effects of treatment and the side effects of the treatments to treat the side effects. When she thinks no one is watching she shrinks down and you can see the weight of the struggle lay heavy on her. She's lost a lot of weight and can look frail at times. I can see the fury inside her of how aggravating this is to her spirit. She wants to be outside walking, running, or riding, but fatigue is a real foe right now. Thankfully, that pink wig keeps her spirits bright and, other than some forgetfulness, she's remained a bright force around the house.

Chemotherapy #5 is the first of the final four and an all-new mix of medicines. It's a longer session and she seems even more aggravated by having to sit still for an even longer time than before. This change in medicine had her worried as her doctors made clear that there could be an allergic reaction or unknown responses to the new mix. She didn't have any bad reactions though the incremental effects of fatigue seem to be having an much greater effect.

This new treatment has the likely effects of peripheral neuropathy, numbness in fingers and toes, so she's been pre-treating it with acupuncture and it seems to be having good effect. Her oncologist has also been supportive in working with Kim to offset as many of the side effects as possible though he's very matter-of-fact that the treatment is hard no matter what and it has to be. Pretty much everything hurts for her right now, though. She's really tired and I know she simply hates having all this medicine coursing through her body.

For this session Kim was joined by Karen Blecha. We met the Belcha family back in Jason's elementary school days as their oldest son is friends with Jason. Karen has taken Kim for some spa time to get her toes done and just to hang out. For this first long session she met us both at the infusion lab and spent the day with Kim. I've really appreciated these guest visits with Kim as it allows me to keep my work life in check while also giving Kim valuable time with friends. This illness and its never ending doctor's visits has taken away so much of Kim's free time. Just in the past week Kim has turned to Uber for mid-day appointments simply to take away the stress of driving during the day. Treatment is a long, tedious grind.

Thank you, Karen, for being with Kim on a day that I know she was very nervous.

The meal train continues to be a great help for all of us. The time saved from shopping, preparation, and clean up has been put to good use relaxing and catching up from busy days. Even better, we've been introduced to so many great new meals and gotten to spend time with friends as they drop them off. I learned a valuable lesson from my friend David who told me that rather than say, "Let me know what we can do to help." it's better to say, "Here's what I'm going to do for you guys." For any of you out there with friends in distress, make them dinner. It's a tremendous offer and really lifts everyone's spirits. You should probably include cookies for dessert, too.

In other news, Portland weather is here. An apocalyptic storm is passing through town this weekend and I read that 19 trillion gallons of water will fall in the region over the weekend. Kim is excited to use the inside time to visit the Portland Art Museum and stay home making soup. Seems like a good weekend for all of us to cool out a bit. Everyone here is pretty good, folks, three sessions to go. Kim has lumpectomy surgery planned for December 15th and then we'll power into the New Year. Thanks for all the thoughts this year, I say it every message but we do feel them. Thank you so much.